A few years ago my girlfriends and I went to the San Luis Hotel in Galveston to celebrate one of our birthdays. While we were sitting out at the pool on a delightfully hot July afternoon, the waiters walked around passing out super cold, wet and wonderfully scented towels to refresh ourselves with. What a grand idea! It sparked an idea for my indoor cycle class. I ordered a bunch of washcloth size towels from Amazon, rolled them up and soaked them in eucalyptus scented water and put them in the refrigerator to cool. The next time I taught class I brought them out midway through class. What a hit they were - especially for those that just get red and overheated and don't sweat much. The reaction was so positive, I continue to bring them every Sunday for my spoiled indoor cyclists.
I have a few members that really need the towels to cool down in the middle of class. The rest of them are fine waiting until the end. While I was walking around the room at halftime with the towels asking if anyone needed one right now or did they want to wait, I was reminded of the marshmallow experiment and shared it with the class. In the Stanford marshmallow experiment they offered children a choice between a reward now, or if they waited about 15 minutes they would get two rewards. The rewards were marshmallows, cookies, or sometimes pretzels. In the follow-up studies they found that the children who were able to wait longer for the two rewards tended to have better life outcomes in reference to education, health and other measures. So I teased the class about their wanting the towels now and a few said - never mind - they could wait!
It is an interesting experiment that can be applied to our lives in many ways. The waiting or not waiting can be a risk. Will we miss out on some important opportunity by waiting or will we miss out on personal growth by jumping in right away? Weigh the situation and decide the best move forward for you.
If You Do It I'll Do It
I am partnering with a new group of trainers, coaches and consultants. We had our first in-person meeting the other day at an interesting restaurant venue I'd actually been to before with the kids. It's called the Conservatory. It's housed in a neat old building that has a variety of fast food options from Italian with pizza and meatballs to BBQ, sandwiches and soups. Everyone in your group can get a different kind of food for lunch and grab a table in the common area to enjoy lunch together.
Since I'd been there before I knew they had beer and wine too. We were seated at the table sharing and enjoying our different selections when I decided a glass of wine would be perfect with my Italian meatballs, so I got up to find the wine. When I returned to the table with my glass, several others at the table commented on what a great idea that was and some ended up getting wine too. It was like I broke the ice or the boundary and it made it ok for everyone else now.
It's actually very common for people to be thinking about doing the same thing - but not stepping out there or taking a chance until someone else does it. Check out this story regarding a paper airplane game.
One of the most results-producing and fun exercises I’ve made a part of my presentation games is the paper airplane game. The point is to get participants to think outside of the box, and open up their creative thinking while enjoying a fun game with a little competitive spirit mixed in.
Groups are divided into teams of four or five players with each team given a stack of different colored paper. A starting line and a landing zone are marked on the floor with masking tape. The team players are not allowed to cross over the starting line when launching their airplanes. Only planes that are completely in the landing zone count, and the goal is to be the team with the most paper airplanes in the landing zone at the end of the time. Teams are given two minutes to play the game.
The first time I played this game, my inclination was to pick up the entire pack of paper and throw it into the landing zone. But I told myself it was the paper airplane game and we had to fold planes before throwing, so I proceeded to fold planes. Then a minute later another team picked up their entire pack of paper and threw it over the line to win. I was appalled they’d “stolen” my idea! Of course, they really hadn’t; I was just upset with myself for talking myself out a great idea.
Until we see others do something we hold ourselves back. We watch what they are doing and model their behavior.
So - what are you holding yourself back from doing? Are you waiting for someone else to do it first? What will it take for you to be the first one? What are you missing out on by not taking that first step?
Whirly What? Whirly Ball!!!
After my niece's wedding in Minnesota, we were able to stay in town an extra day. Our nephews invited us to play Whirlyball, a game which we had never heard of. It is a combination of bumper cars, jailai and basketball. Two teams of five all riding in bumper cars compete to score points by shooting a plastic ball from a jailai like scoop at a basketball backboard while the other team is trying to bump them. It is a hilariously fun game.
We liked it so much we gave our son and his wife a Whirly ball party for Christmas. (The only Whirlyball facility in Texas is near their house in Dallas.) While visiting them last weekend at their home, we used the gift card to play the game with a group, including our Houston friends' adult kids. A good time was had by all. We went out for snacks and brews after at a local restaurant/bar. Our group of ten was seated at a long rectangular table. It was easy to talk to those next to you, but not very easy - if at all - to communicate with those at the opposite end of the table. My husband, our son and his wife were seated near the middle. We were talking with the young ladies that all worked together at one end of the table, and I noticed the three guys at the other end of the table who didn't know each other before that day were a bit quiet. I thought I should get up and go talk to them, but didn't at the time.
A while later I noticed my son had moved to the opposite end of the table and was engaged in a lively conversation with the guys. I didn't know if it was an intentional move or he just happened to go to the other end for some other reason - but I noted it and planned to point it out to him later.
When I did mention it to him, that I noticed his kind act, he said it was intentional. He noticed they were kind of quiet and moved to sit with them to engage and enjoy them more.
It was a beautiful example of Emotional Intelligence (EI) in action. EI - the awareness of feelings and emotions in yourself and others and taking appropriate action to manage them effectively. EI is made up of four competencies -
self awareness
self management
social awareness
social management
Tips for self awareness and management include -
observe your feelings - keep a journal
think about why you behave the way you do
spot your emotions/behaviors in tv and movie characters
breathe or count to ten before reacting or responding to an event
pay attention to and take control of your self talk
connect with an outside observer of your behaviors as a witness and sounding board
Tips for social awareness and management include -
pay attention to body language
people watch your family or co-workers and note observations
try to step into the shoes of others
be curious - test assumptions
acknowledge others' feelings
take action to build trust
Tapping into these areas of life could have the most positive impact on your effectiveness in your personal and professional life. Not doing anything is a risk I don't recommend you take.
Making the changes - a small risk with a major payback! Check your EI out - with free on-line assessments, books or partner with me to assess and work on your skills.
Dog Poop - To Pick It Up or Not
We are dog-sitting our son and his wife's two miniature dachshunds. I like to take them to the nearby park for a walk/squirrel chasing run as often as I can. It has a beautiful loop around the park as well as trails into the woods to explore. The other morning we were enjoying our walk - and the older puppy dropped a load. I always keep a pack of doggie doo-doo bags with paper towels in them for clean-up. I was leaning over to pick up the poop and heard a woman walking by with her large dog say, "you are the only one". I looked up and she went on to say I was the only one she had ever seen pick up their dog's poop. (I am sure others do - but we/she may not have passed them by at that moment when it was happening). She said she hadn't picked up her dog's poop and some guy had just reported her to the police officer that patrolled the park. She was worried she was going to get some kind of ticket and asked me about it. I told her I doubted she would get a ticket - but that it was a warning to pick up after her dog. She went on to say that there were no signs (I told her there was at least one at the start of the walking loop) and that no one else ever did it. (It doesn't matter if no one else does it - it is something YOU need to do - I thought). I told her that she needed to do it and asked if she needed some bags. She had them in the car - was the reply. Then she said the guy must have reported her because she was Asian! (Really - OMG - I've heard this same kind of logic before - blaming something on your ethnicity, political views, color, ..... instead of taking responsibility). I told her that I doubted that was the reason. That he reported her because she DIDN'T pick up her dog's poop and she needed to do that.
There is a risk in letting things go and not saying anything. I am glad that the man reported it so that the woman was now aware of the rules. Even if it wasn't a rule - it is just common courtesy - whether you are in your own neighborhood or out in public - to pick up after yourself and your animals.
It's the blaming it on others instead of taking responsibility that bothers me - that is why I continue the work I do - one coaching client, one training class, one networking contact, one non-poop picker up in the park... - to create awareness and positive change.
To Pick Up or Not Pick Up? --- Pick Up!
57% of Books Purchased Are Never Read Through to the End
Wow! I am sure that is true of me too. I own a lot of unfinished books. There are so many fascinating topics out there and I am always finding one for my work or just to read for pleasure. But halfway through I get distracted and end up on another adventure. The book gets left behind, with a marker keeping my place, until the day I rediscover the book and continue my journey of enlightenment or reading pleasure.
A girlfriend mentioned a book to me the other day and asked if I had finished it. We were given it at midnight mass on Christmas Eve at our church. I pulled it out of the double deep stack of books on the bookshelf in my office and checked it out. There it was, a third of the way through the book, one of my favorite book markers with stars on it - "Shoot for the Moon, Even If You Miss You'll Land Among the Stars." True of any risk or undertaking. I ended up spending the next few days finishing the book, thoroughly enjoying the wisdom it shared, vowing to buy several copies of it for my friends and family members.
How many times does this happen with not only books, but projects, ideas or risky adventures. We start with purpose and passion that sometimes fizzles or gets waylaid by a distraction. How can you stay connected and make it successfully through to the end?
The key is to make a plan and focus on sticking to it. In addition, make sure you have the desire to even do it and picture yourself working through it and finishing. Imagine the emotions you will feel when you do. Along with enjoying the emotions associated with being "there", create an environment that is conducive to staying on track by surrounding yourself with supportive people and eliminating distractions. Maybe put the book or whatever you want to focus on right where you can't ignore it. A client used to hang the dog's leash on the bed post so when she got up she would take him for a walk right away, before she had time to make excuses for them both not to exercise that day. These all help - but the key is to have a plan mapped out. A well thought out risk with a plan will ensure action and ultimately success!
As Much As You Would
When I was a little girl my mom would always make our birthday cakes with frosting from scratch. I remember attempting to make frosting one day and asked my mom how much confectioner's sugar and milk to add into the bowl. "As much as you would", she would reply. The problem is, I didn't know how much I would because I'd never done it. I hadn't developed the feel for how much I would, like my mom who had made the frosting at least 100 times - (actually so many more times if you figure nine cakes a year minimum for all of us kids and our dad's birthdays). She just knew. It seemed right. It just felt right.
And that is how I developed my favorite recipes, chocolate chip cookies especially. I just knew how much of each ingredient to add as I played with recipe perfection over the years.
Many times, when we take a risk or leap to attempt something new, it requires a bit of "as much as you would." We don't really know but we tap into our intuition and along with our knowledge and experience are able to figure out the next step forward. It may require tweaking along the way, but with experience we are well on our way to perfection.
Lights Out?!
I was sitting in the living room four days after hurricane Harvey hit the Texas coast, wreaking havoc everywhere - including and especially Houston (on the dirty "wet" side of the storm) with epic flooding. We were blessed to have power, running water and no flooding in our house. I'd ventured out that morning,when we finally could, with my neighbor, to see how far we could get and to check in on some school shelters to see if we could offer assistance. We were able to help at one school and started to offer our services to friends and strangers that might need help cleaning out their flooded first floors. So many need so much help.
I was on the couch and all of the sudden the lights went out. I had that little moment of panic - "oh no - here we go too". It fortunately wasn't anything but a momentary glitch. But is was enough of a reminder to remain grateful for our situation. I pray that this attitude of gratefulness, caring and compassion, and positive action in me and others continues way beyond the next few weeks. It's been such a delight to witness personally and via the news - with none of the anger, hatred, political opposition, and arguing we typically see projected on late night TV or the news visible to us - at least not here in Houston. I ponder how I can continually remind myself to stay in this place mentally. Visual reminders, cell phone alarms and other ways have worked for me in the past. but frequently we go back to our old ways as if nothing happened when we get back to our normal work week.
It is a pattern I see when I teach business classes or speak. The course or talk really inspires and motivates. People get fired up and make a plan. Then after a few weeks or even days - they are right back to their standard operating mode.
What methods have you developed for yourself to maintain that desired new change?
What risk are you taking by not making a plan to take action to truly incorporate the new ways into your daily life at work or home? What happens if you keep the old behavior patterns?
A fellow coach, Don Gutridge (www.wingsondreams.com) developed a process he calls R2D2 to take new knowledge and move forward with it. After every learning experience, be it a real life event like a hurricane or a formal training, -
R1 - Recognize that one principle, idea or technique that is shouting at you - reflect on the results you see that are possible if you follow that principle
R2 - Relate that idea to your personal or professional purpose - how it relates to your personal goals - relate it to yourself for more impact
D1 - Determine exactly how you can use this principle to bring you closer to any goal you choose
D2 - Deliver on the action promised and this idea will work for you
Now get to it and do it! Don't let the lights go out on your plan.
Friend or Foe?
A few years back when I was in technical sales, I was new to the Company so my boss accompanied me on a trip to a chemical plant. When we met with the outage manager, my boss proceeded to tell him all about our services and how great our Company was. He didn't seem to give the gentleman much of a chance to tell his story, but the meeting went fairly well for the most part.
When I returned to the plant for another visit on my own, I delved deeper into their situation and history with other vendors and the maintenance/installation situation in our region altogether. The vendors all pulled from the same pool of mechanics, so when jobs were in progress at different company's plants, the best were split between them - leaving some of the not so great to fill in the gaps. I suggested to the client that they split the job into two - with different companies each taking a turbine or compressor - and that way they would get everyone's best on the job without the previous problems. He loved the idea - but unfortunately we never actually tried it out.
I did get us on their bidders list for future maintenance/installation jobs at the plant. When we attended a joint meeting to review the required proposal details for one job, all of the vendors were there. The client was surprised we all got along so well and were friendly. Why not? - I thought. We are all in the same business - competitors - not foes.
I recently spoke to a group of corporate trainers and consultants on creativity and freely shared ideas and techniques with them. One consultant/coach asked after if she could use some of my exercises with a company she was teaching team building for. Of course, I replied. We are also meeting up to brainstorm and see how we might be able to work together in the future.
Sometimes we think that because someone is our competitor we must treat them as a foe. What kind of risks are you taking by treating them as a potential partner - or by not connecting? Who could you partner with that you wouldn't typically think of connecting with. Take a chance - reach out to them.
Leader of the Pack - With Position Comes Responsibility
The HOV (High Occupancy Vehicle) lanes on the freeway are typically for cars with two or more people. But there are a few hours when you can use the lane if you are by yourself. You pay a fee using your toll tag called an EZ tag. You are allowed to do this outside of the high traffic hours of 5-6 in the evening and 7-8 in the morning during the work week. Depending on the time you enter the HOV lane, you pay a higher fee the closer it is to the rush hour.
I love driving on the HOV lane when I am at the head of the pack. You are separated from all of the traffic on the regular highway and have your own private lane. I've always said that if you are the leader of the pack you need to make sure you are going at least as fast as the freeway traffic we are avoiding. Sometimes I am behind someone who isn't driving at least as fast as the speed limit and it can be a little frustrating because we paid a fee for the privilege of moving faster.
The other day I had just entered the HOV and there was a car ahead of me in the lane. They appeared to be matching the speed limit but flashed their brake lights as we headed up over the first overpass. Much to my surprise, they pulled over to the side so that I could pass. Freedom! At the head of the pack again.
When we become a leader of the team (pack) it is important to take on the responsibilities. There are a few key strategies you need to be aware of.
Just like the first person on the HOV with no one in front of them, you need to accept your position of leader. If you don't know where you are going, what to do or what the rules are of the position - you need to find out. As a new manager or supervisor, accept the position and responsibilities that come with it. If you don't set expectations for the team, act appropriately or address issues in a timely manner among others, you won't be respected or be able to manage effectively.
A lot changes when you are promoted. The relationships between your former co-workers and bosses and your responsibilities are two important changes. Take the time in the beginning to think about areas where you need to set boundaries so that you are ready for situations when they arise. One is how will you behave around former co-workers you now supervise and another is responding to behaviors such as tardiness - what is too late? Be clear on your expectations and follow through on check-ins.
Understanding the communication styles of yourself and your team as well as developing relationships at levels you might not have before, especially with higher ups, are key considerations.
Like the woman that moved over to let me pass, sometimes you have to take action and resolve an issue. Other times you can listen and stay aware but not overload your things to do list.
When given the responsibility of leader - it is a risk to not take some of the steps detailed above. I wish you success on your journey onward an upward. Give me a call or an email (margaret@ideasandbeyond.com) if you would like assistance in your new role!
No Cats Were Harmed in the Pursuit of Curiosity
They say curiosity killed the cat, but I grew up with cats and never once lost one due to curiosity. They always seemed to survive whatever predicament they got themselves into. Maybe that is why they say they have nine lives too!
A recent article in the Houston Chronicle invited the reader to think like a genius. Apparently the secret of Albert Einstein's creative genius was that he refused to follow the assumptions that were made by every other scientist. Einstein along with other geniuses "recognize that some truths are what we know as a matter of observed fact while others are what we think we know as a matter of received wisdom" (Roberta B. Ness - Houston Chronicle - Think Like a Genius - 6/5/17). By not realizing the difference between the two we can get ourselves wrapped up in a lot of incorrect assumptions. If we do what everyone else is doing and think like everyone else is thinking, we will miss out on the opportunity to engage our creativity and come up with innovative solutions to everyday problems.
As a credentialed coach we are trained and encouraged to remain curious to assist our clients in making progress. The power of our work is in not knowing and allowing the client to figure out their own solutions. Our powerful questions allow the client to self discover and experience delightful ah-ha moments and insight.
Get curious - leave behind the assumptions you know - ask questions - broaden your world view - a more adventurous exciting life will be yours! The best way to practice? Make the phrase "What If?" part of your vocabulary. What If there were 48 hours in a day? What If I am wrong about my boss being difficult? What If the state of the economy really has no effect on my success?...
I'll be presenting a lunch hour talk on Unleashing Your Curious Creative Genius next week Tuesday August 15 in South Houston for ATD (Association for Talent Development). The event is free and open to the public - lunch is on you. For details and registration - click here.